Three Douches

I've observed this blog for a while. Now, like someone standing in the background, watching an orgy, I've finally decided to join in. Basically, I'm making my first post on the Daily Douche...

What do I bring to the table? Well, on this occasion I bring to you a tale of three douches. Their various stories involve crime, murder and suicide. But the main thing they all share is that all three are douches of the highest order.

1. 'Deathbed confession' man charged.

This is great. So you're dying. You know you don't have long left in this mortal coil, but something's eating away at you inside. You murdered your neighbour, way back in 1977 and nobody knows. In order to avoid hell, fire, brimstone, damnation and all that good stuff, you decide to confess. Might as well, not like they can do anything to you now, right? Wrong. The guy makes a miraculous recovery and faces (ironically) the death penalty. What a douche.

2. Gang leader accidentally blows his brains out during drink and drugs party.

Sorry to descend into national stereotyping in my first ever post, but if ever an Irishman conformed to the typical portrayal of Irish IQ, this is it. At a party, this gangster starts showing people how to kill somebody using his Glock 9. The guy takes the magazine out, but forgets there's still one in the chamber. He pulls the trigger and he kills himself. Game over. I'm trying to think of an Irish joke to make, but I'm coming up short. I'd welcome any suggestions. The luck of the Irish seems inappropriate.

3. Man wrongly jailed for 27 years walks free...and is hit by a taxi.

(I'd like to make it clear that I do not usually make a habit of visitng the Daily Mail website. But is does have a lot of douches).

This is probably my favourite. Mr Hodgson was wrongly jailed for a murder he did not commit. He spent 27 years in a cell on a miscarriage of justice. I sympathise with the guy, it's obviously pretty bad. He finally gets out and justice is restored. But he gets hit by a cab and ends up needing face stitches.

'His solicitor said the accident was just one example of how difficult it was for Mr Hodgson to adjust to life on the outside after nearly three decades behind bars.' What?! You don't have to adjust to the fact that being hit by a taxi is a bad idea!

There you have it, a tale of three douches. Until next time.

Mr M $$$