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Can somebody please tell me what the fuck this is?

Heelys are like the modern version of those idiot LA GEAR trainers that everyone (apart from me) had when they were kids. I didn't care that Kareem Abdul Jabaar wore them, they sucked. But then they disappeared and all was well again in the world. Kids wore Reebok Classics, or Nike AirMax. Shoes were once again worth stabbing someone for.

But now it's returned. Look at those people in the picture. Why would any self-respecting adult want to go near a pair of these shoes. They have no redeeming features - they're ugly, they make you look like a prick as you seemingly float down the street, waiting for that one piece of gravel that'll fuck up your day and make Linkin Park hate you more than they already do.

You could just tell though, that this was going to happen - look at the douchebags in the back. Caps on backwards. Are you either a) Lawrence of Arabia or b) a founding member of Cypress Hill? No.

Even this little girl looks like a fucking dick for wearing these things - gliding around like she owns the white room in the Matrix - you don't little girl, you don't own shit apart from some stupid, ugly fuck shoes with a little idiot of a wheel coming out the heel. Buy some rollerblades. Buy a skateboard. In fact, buy these.

Not you little girl. Your mum.